Like You give a fuck

Like You give a fuck

Aaron Howard

[	website	\|	Greasy Grandma's	]
[	userinfo	\|	livejournal userinfo	]
[	archive	\|	journal archive	]

It's gotta be that way...	[Sep. 7th, 2006\|05:14 am]
the streetlights march on into the night.. slipping off into the sunrise on blacktop.. Skimming along on air and a dream's plight. Watching as our days fade into night... I skip along into dreams as worlds away hoping for peace when I reast my head I wake up tomorrow, but its really today. Pushing on, til we're all dead. Chains hold you down, keep you home you wake up day after day You hope you'll never be alone but they all say, it's got to be that way. the streetlights march on into the night.. slipping off into the sunrise on blacktop.. Skimming along on air and a dream's plight. Watching as our days fade into night... I skip along into dreams as worlds away hoping for peace when I reast my head I wake up tomorrow, but its really today. Pushing on, til we're all dead. Chains hold you down, keep you home you wake up day after day You hope you'll never be alone but they all say, it's got to be that way. the streetlights march on into the night.. slipping off into the sunrise on blacktop.. Skimming along on air and a dream's plight. Watching as our days fade into night... I skip along into dreams as worlds away hoping for peace when I reast my head I wake up tomorrow, but its really today. Pushing on, til we're all dead. Chains hold you down, keep you home you wake up day after day You hope you'll never be alone but they all say, it's got to be that way.
Link

Been a little while...	[Jul. 24th, 2006\|12:51 am]
I got an email yesterday from a long lost friend... asking me about my LJ and why I'd quit writing in the first place... Well.. I've been homless for the last 3 months.. kinda bounced around from couch to couch.. went where I could... then I found a house, right next to a park.. quiet.. green.. it's what I needed... My father passed away 2 days before my 31st birthday... kinda blindsided me.. I thought I had another chance to see him.. but apparently.. god has a good sense of humor into what you expect to happen.. and what conspires to be fact.... I've been all over the board.. happy, sad, ecstatic, mad... I dont know what to think.. I feel like I could do so much more.. but am held back by my own actions... it's such sweet satisfaction.. this lost action... I've been manic, depressed, working my ass off full time, moving/unpacking the rest of the time... Been keeping my mind focused on fixing the rest of my life.. and not wallow in self misery... I've been so preoccupied, I really havent worred too much about anyone else.. hence.. why I stopped writing in the first place.. I highly doubt you care.. and like quantum physics preaches... if you exert energy.. that's what you'll recieve.. and I've been seething with anger.. so why should I infect your reality with my anger? No point.. I have yet to have my message... give me some time.. and I'll find my way. Until then.. I wish you the best, my reader....
Link

March UpDate

[Mar. 8th, 2006|04:48 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	apathetic	]
[	Current Music	\|	Matishayu - Late Night in Zion	]

Well... Honestly.. I gotta say goodbye for a while..

Im over this... I used to write for people.. but they don't do this kinda thing anymore... and I hate writing about myself.. it makes me feel so vain.. like anyone really cares...

if you cared.. you'd already know.
Besides.. I dont really have time to be that interested in my feelings.

they are all pretty fucked up at this point..
dad with cancer, gramma getting feeble..
my life is a rollercoaster of passion
I wake up, do it all over again.

and my inspiration?
I dont have one...
She's gone.

So I bid you well my former readers.

You have enough info from this blog to contact me.
You know where to find me.

-Aaron
'When the music's over..."

Link

Lordy I feel 40..

[Feb. 5th, 2006|08:27 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	drunk	]
[	Current Music	\|	Mc Chris - The Tussin	]

Hectic.. that's how I'd descibe these last two months...

they've been awesome.. met a ton of new great people..
met a shit ton of music people, talent, artists..
it's been refreshing.

I havent had much time for this..
been logging tons of poems in the notebook tho..
I'll transverse those.. sometime soon... I have a couple of days off..

the t-shirt site has been getting alot of my attention latly..
sales have kinda been running a rollercoaster..
but I'm selling.. on the craptastic months of the year..
so I can't complain... made a ton of new designs too..
good stuff.. check it out... www.greasygrandma.com

Got an xbox 360.. kinda pointless tho.. never have time to play it..

got a sidekick too.. I <3 it... you can email me at greasygrandma@tmail.com
but hey, wtf ever... like that matter a shit. =)

Oh, I got a snake... a red tipped boa.. named it Smithers... it's fierce.. about 4 feet..... it's weird owning a predator thats so vicious...but it was free.. and free is always good....even when it's a snake.

Hmmm.. I've got rock star hair now... i've let it grow to a point now, where I can rock a 'men at work' - Sheen hairdoo.. it rawks.. now I just need some purple streaks.

I've been doing alot of singing latly.. mainly prepping up for the villiage idiots.. been working with a couple of people about getting some tracks laid down for a cd... but that's all far off stuff.. we're still in the planning process for what songs to do... some of the new songs are priceless..

People have been popping out of the woodwork about the villiage idiots too... play a open mic night to 200 people and next thing you know.. like everyone knows of us... wtf... and we thought it was a joke.

Full throttle Fury.. the red can.. yum = twice a day.

My dad has liver cancer... he went under the knife two days ago..
I've been a tangle of emotion.. much like a bundle of fishing string in a toolbox. But I dunno.. mortality seeps your soul... it's not a surprise that you die... not to me anyways.

I wish I had the balls to wonder the real meaning to all this.
my vote? cry for help..

I've been reading 1984... almost done with it... inspires me.. much like any other book I tend to read.. I wish I could inspire others like these great works...

I wish you well..
until I think of this again.. =)

If you can't be good... at least be good at it.

Link

Monkeys With Auto-Matic Weapons Pointed in Reverse

[Dec. 25th, 2005|08:02 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	disappointed	]
[	Current Music	\|	Kill Yourself - Da DaIst	]

We skitter around the facts..
Exposing our representatives to friendly fire
We know all the acts
We know what’s our deepest desire..
Consumed in passion, enveloped in emotions
Kinky in your fashion, abyss’s deepest of all oceans

Fathoms of fantasies, miles of slow decadence
Darkness falls, and the dead can dance.

Spirits rising, falling with the morning mist
Starburst eye opener, see all you’ve missed

The World slipped past you, out your backdoor
With your daughter
You wake up one day..
To find we’re all lambs to the slaughter..

Ghosts of the apocalypse, I appeal you..
Please, dogs of war.. make not this nightmare come true…

Warmongers and hate in our homeland
Is there no atrocity we can not stand?
Shall we be the butt of the joke of this universe
Monkeys with automatic weapons pointed in reverse?

Link

You're my Favorite Choice	[Dec. 25th, 2005\|08:01 pm]
You stare right into the heart of me I can feel my chest swell when you smile I can imagine you in my fantasy I hope to hell, you stay a while. You help me out in ways I knew not possible You swivel my moods, like a push on a swing And when you prove the implausible You make my heart sing. You enwrap me in your voice Like a child in a blanket You’re my favorite choice For you I’d risk it. You make it possible for me to be better You improve my standards I make you giggle and wetter You immense me and my words. I wish I could convey these feelings deep in my chest I wish I could show you the love you show the world For you are the best.. For you are.. My girl.
Link

The GutShot Rat Part 2

[Dec. 25th, 2005|08:00 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	crazy	]
[	Current Music	\|	Janine - Soul Coughing	]

Rain splitters and splatters on the concrete..
The cold wind blows around the drops falling..
A cold shiver runs down your back as the steam escapes your nose

A thunder rolls out from the darkness.. echoing off the buildings and houses
The rain swallows the thunder.. no lightning this time.. just hallow thunder..

Your eyes go blurry, as if rain had fallen in them.. but your under an awning..
So it can’t be true.. the world is spinning.. spinning out of control..
You feel the will to stand, but your body revolts.. and your legs drop from under you like a ton of lead weights.. dragging you down to the murky puddle that lies only a foot from you.. swelling from the sewer drain and the rainspouts pouring out murky water from dusky rooftops..
You see it all as in slow motion, yet you can’t do anything to stop it..
Then as your tripping over the seconds.. it hits you.. again..

The thunder rolls again.. yet tinny this time.. high end piercing noises ricocheting off your ears.. spastic reverberations colliding inside your mind… the jerk in your back gives off a warmth..
Pain should be a factor.. but you’re far too gone.. the shock overtook you 20 minutes ago..
You’re just running on cold instinct and dried blood.

You feel your world tilt and shimmy inside your feeble shell.. you feel like your feet are super glued in place.. yet your head is doing cartwheels.. this is the end you think…
Whispering it inside your mind..
I’ve bought the farm this time..

Brace for impact..
Ramming Speed.

The puddle glistens as you approach.. you can see the raindrops shattering on the dark black surface… you wonder how deep this puddle is.. and if you could just dive into it and escape this horrible hell you call home..

Three…

You see the rim of the puddle overflowing on jagged tarmac.. bits of dirt and grime cling to the surface like some shipwreck survivor grasping for last call beers. You see drips of crimson, turning to rubies under the streetlights… you smile.. You’ve always loved rubies.. the way they shimmer crimson.. and remind you how precious life is…

Two…

The kaleidoscope of twinkles and sparks coming off the huge puddle reminds you of the fourth of July.. You remember your childhood 4th of July memories.. sparklers spitting and hissing black dust on your arms.. family.. love. You feel yourself slipping, the wind whispering in your ears.. the cold fading away like your memories..

One…

The shades fall away.. blackness prevails.. you can head the static of electricity ringing through your mind.. slipping deeper into dreams… wishing you weren’t here.. and what finally brought you into this whole situation… the whole drama plays in your mind a dozen time, before you can even realize you’re about an inch from a huge murky puddle with two slugs in your back.

Impact..

The water explodes around you… the blackness swallows you whole.. like you’ve fallen into the darkest of places.. slipped into the abyss like a hooker slips into her clothes after the money shot…You sink… Sink deep.. Deeper than anyone could in a mere mud puddle..
You feel as if you’re sinking to the bottom of the ocean, off a long peer. You slip legs first into the dark recesses of this mud puddle.. drifting deeper, feeling the pressure pushing on your head… No bubbles.. that’s what you think.. Where are the bubbles?

Link

God is Mad at Us

[Dec. 25th, 2005|07:59 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	creative	]
[	Current Music	\|	Volcano - Damian Rice	]

It happened once, now it’s happened twice
And I’ve come to learn, how to pay the price.

I thought once, now I try not to think
And when I want a good time, I just go have a drink.

You drove me to this, my dad would say
You made me the man I am, or at least what I portray.

I think to myself about the times we were
And how deep my love runs for her..
How I’ll never be the one
And how our time together has come undone.

Wash away the sins, wash away the pain
Wipe the windows clean, riding on the downtown train

Look out on the world, you used to think was so free
Look out into the night, to see a little piece of me.

Skidding across first avenue under the snow
When red means stop and yellow means slow
Forgotten traction into impact status
And somehow thinking, that god is mad at us.

Link

Passion is Fleeting

[Dec. 25th, 2005|07:59 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	cynical	]
[	Current Music	\|	Somebody more like you - Nickel Creek	]

Passion is fleeting, love is forever
Forget about one thing, forget about you never..
Dried on my pillow, the stains from my tears
Live a lie, that you’re gone.. for the rest of my years..
Living without you, is probably the hardest thing I’ve done
And why you’ve left me, the largest web of lies, I’ve spun.
I wish I knew the answers, I wish I held the key
To one day open up these locks, inside you and me.

Link

Writing about my Day

[Dec. 25th, 2005|07:58 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	dirty	]
[	Current Music	\|	Somebody More like You - Nickel Creek	]

I used to think my life was so important…
Important enough to blab endlessly on about it
I would confess my truths.. my details..
Until.. One Day.. I got my heart broke
Then I just shut out the world.
I shut out everything..
And quit that avenue..
Since it’d been where she’d gotten
All the ammo she’d ever need..

But Inside… I still have a daily inner
Monologue..
A simple, effective method of writing down my day
I write in my head, the feelings, the situations, the dreams.

Lately I’ve been having a lot of car dreams..
Dreams that just wake me up..

For Instance..

Had A dream I was driving in my current car..
Things are going great, Sunny Day
Come over the bend on a road I drive, everyday
And it’s like a huge lake of flat water..
And of course.. I can’t avoid it, I hit it
And the car starts to hydroplane and spin
I think I’m in control, since in real life, this isn’t much a threat to me..
But then the car just goes all out of control and I’m in a flat spin
Spinning towards an embankment, Water splashing over the windshield,
feeling like the car Is going to flip over

Nightmare city…
Woke up.. still feeling disorientated..
Looking around to make sure I’m not in a hospital..

Or take this one too..

I’m hanging out with a bunch of Asian guys
For some car club/old school bbs party
I come out to my car to get my coat
And a bunch of our cars had been hit,
Like hit and run style.. my car’s fucked
Both the front and rear ends are bashed, trunks open
Lights on inside.. car smoking..
Bout to damn near cry..
Had a part of the dream where
We all went and chased the drunk
Bastard down and beat his ass.

Woke up.. wondering about the car

And who even takes interest in hearing about other peoples dreams?
I don’t.. I just get jealous.. at least you feel like you’re going somewhere
I wake up and feel like this is the end..
My only friend…
The end.

Link

Fantasy

[Dec. 25th, 2005|07:57 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	ditzy	]
[	Current Music	\|	When in Rome - Nickel Creek	]

I skip into you like water and wine
And somehow we both end up
In the same hands of time.

Slipping and Slurping to delight
By firelight…
Snicker Snooker,
Two dollar hooker
Unknown baritone
Plays the trombone
All alone.

You Wished you May
You wishes you might
But somewhere
No one’s in sight.

Relax, take another bong hit
Cuz somewhere,
Someone’s tired of your shit.

You expect it all to be one way
But hey, fuck it, it’s not.
It’s not like it’s some evil conspiracy, some huge evil plot?
Think you live free?
Free?
You and Me?
Fantasy.

Link

Wish Come True

[Dec. 25th, 2005|07:56 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	dorky	]
[	Current Music	\|	When in Rome - Nickel Creek	]

I curl up to you in your sleep
I’m your favorite secret to keep
I live and Love and put you above
I hold you close, love you the most..

Yet.. You’re waiting.. hesitant
I wait for this moment to represent
All my fears and emotions
All my love, more than the oceans
All My doubt and fears washed clear
And the point being obvious as a tear.

I wish I may I wish I might
I wish to wish on you tonight..
Wishing and hoping
Sopping and soaping.
Hoping for you,
To come to me..
And make my
Wish come true.

Link

Merry Happy wtf

[Dec. 25th, 2005|07:46 pm]

[

Current Music

Your Misfortune - M. Doughty

]

Well.. I was gonna rant on about how I hate christmas and all the bullshit it represents...

but now Im fat and happy.. two christmas dinners later.. and here I am.. all stuffed like a turkey..
three words..four times in a row

fire it up.
chug it down.
take a shit
go to sleep.

Happy holidays you happy little consumers

P.S. I've got a whole notebook to transfer over to here.. so that'll be my craptastic present to you poetry lovers.

Link

My Love

[Dec. 20th, 2005|12:45 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	dorky	]
[	Current Music	\|	BT - Live in DC Essential Mix	]

You creep into my mind like a social disease
Subtle at first, then ripping me apart at the seams
I thought I thought, but that lie, you haven’t bought
I think I am, but you know.. It’s all a scam..

A million faces. A billion eyes, and
they all have their own peculiar version of white lies…

Some to placate, some to rectify
And I have my own, I wont deny..

You ruin it before the get go
And this little thing, I wanted

To let you know…
Don’t blame me for him.

I didn’t do it.
I know this..

I didn’t
That was him.. and I am me.

Me.
Not Him?
No.
Negatory.
So get over it
And tell a new story

A story of happiness
Of when we first met

And think to yourself
That first time I got you wet…

Love is truly
A fickle thing..

One day out the window
On a dream and a wing..

My Love2-

Shittered Shattered
I see you splattered
All over the highway of love
You tip and turn
Crash and burn
Live and learn
But still.. You wake and yearn…

I am here.. waiting.
Been here.. all my life

I’m waiting.. for you
My love, my wife…

Link

Twisted Reckoning in my dreams.

[Nov. 8th, 2005|05:40 am]

[

Current Music

Amon Tobin - El Wraith

]

You sit there beckoning..
the reality of twisted reconing.

You come back and say one thing
when it's really the other..
you treat me less than an equal
and more like your little brother.

I dont belittle you at the guise
of being obscne
but I doubt you'll ever understand
what any of this is supposed to mean.

I thought once that maybe we'd be
able to just work it all out
withtout the need to argue
fight and shout..

but alas I was wrong, as I am always, it seems
and you shal only exist... in my dreams.

Link

BlackHole	[Oct. 30th, 2005\|04:24 am]
Black hole.. you exist.. under the guise of science Black hole.. you consume.. like you're off your diet.. Sucking in worlds and stars Eating up the children, safe in their cars.. Space Dust and Magic Beautiful and tragic SuperNova once, now just a trainwreck waiting to happen you plot the universe, and then we map them. I wish I had an eternity to create as black hole's do but given time, my energy will belong to them too.
Link

Robot Freedom	[Oct. 30th, 2005\|04:19 am]
I used to think that writing made me free.. now it's more a recollection of things i once believed... I could rhyme anything with anyone spend hours just creating... Now I've found other outlets for my creativity.. and this just seems like a past reality.. It's so sad too.. I dont even mean to rhyme half the time.. just comes out of my pain.. like I'd rhyming insane.. switched words and phrases memories of peoples faces dreams swirled into reality all wrapped up with a fantasy Multitudes of people, gone and away wake up tomorow.. its just another day.. Lost is that magic.. that zest for life I once had Lost are the tragedy's.. for I can't even be sad. I've turned off my insides, that's how I hide I forgot to care.. since it seems all too true for the world I've forgotten the one's I've loved fuck all those little girls. I've regretted a life I never lived content. I've singlehandedly destroyed all I once came to represent. I dont feel human anymore. I feel like a robot like Im some forgotten hero, Go-Go GoBot. Dance for a dollar, forget your freedom just wake up, in your own robotic kingdom.
Link

Woe is me

[Oct. 30th, 2005|04:11 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	curious	]
[	Current Music	\|	Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo - Bloodhoud gang	]

We cry the same story
over in sobs on the phone
to no one.. because here..
we're all alone..

Happy halloween we laugh
since we still refuse to do the math

Smile pretty, Carry one
lonly night, single dawn.

Fuck a rhyme a minute
since we're up to here in it.

Judging each other through
halloween masks..
never listening to what the
other asks..

Love is just a word
forgetten soon after herd
but we shrug and take the loss
since we're both fighting over..
who's really boss.

You have your side of the map,
I have mine..
You stay over there..
and dont cross my line..

It childish, I know from hindsight
but we never understand
the deviations
in our plight.

You have your discretions
I have my impressions

yet we still can't find
a common ground
or at least..
So I've found.

I'm tired of just speaking in metaphores
and always being the one to keep the score

Maybe I should forget promises like you do
or just call it fantasy and it'll never come true.

Forget a whole decade down the drain..
take a bullet and wipe you. from my brain..
Swallow some pills to ease the pain..
just another decade.. down the drain...

Swirly! Swirly! Down it goes..
Where's it going? Nobody knows.

Whosh, whosh, down the pipes..
Don't worry kids.. It'll be alright.

Kiss and make up? Kiss kiss?
Ten year break up? Piss Piss?

Skitter across the room in a tangent
and see what this poem really represents

a little piece of my insanity, put to paper and ink
and now.. now, now now.. I wonder what you think.

You know.. it's funny when I think of these things so dire
when it comes down to it, you're the only thing left to inspire
You touch a part of me, so tender and deep
that even then.. you creep in.. when I'm asleep.
Wrapped around my finger like a band of gold
this story I'll tell my grand kids, if I make it to "old".
We used to fight in poems, spreading our words
since after all.. we're just a couple of nerds.

Link

I've given up	[Oct. 24th, 2005\|06:33 am]
As if you havent noticed... I've given up... No more quippy, How was my day.. No more bullshit essay.. Done are the tedious stories no more of the woe is me's gone are the chance to comment since they were always something I'd resent. Goodbye are the half hearted stories I'd rather stick to the gory poetries.. Potty rhymes hidden behind closed eyes welcome to my dirty little surprise. The Queen Bee is chained to the hive but the worker bee can leave.. and finally be.. alive.
Link

What you said

[Oct. 24th, 2005|06:31 am]

[

Current Music

Suken Eyed Girl - M. Doughty

]

You said you loved me...
but that was just to make me stay

You always seem to know
the right thing to say..

You admit to my worpship
in the worst of company

You tell me,
you'll submit to my dirtiest fantasy

You get enraged when I mention
that Im sleeping with my neighbor

Since I'm not worried about
really loving her.

A million miles
it seems

and we can only be together
in dreams..

All these things, running around
in my head...

All these thinks, whirling
about what you said.

Link

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